At Becoming, our mission is to help women to lead unapologetic lives. But what do we mean by that? At a recent Becoming Community event, we held a group discussion to explore what it means to live and lead unapologetically. This blog shares some of the rich thoughts and themes that emerged, as well as some personal reflections from Becoming Director, Liz Walker.
An unapologetic Community
The Becoming Community is a group of nearly 100 women who have completed the Becoming Journey – either sponsored by an employer or funded themselves. Once they have completed the 8-module journey, they have an open invitation to regular events designed to create connection, share knowledge and provoke thought and action.
A recent “Reflections” event was an opportunity for the women who joined to reflect together on the question: “What does it mean to live and lead unapologetically?”
Unapologetically you
One of the key themes of the discussion was the idea that to be unapologetic is to accept all bits of you.
One woman reflected on part the Becoming Journey, where we work on accepting things that “I’m afraid you will see me as…”. It can be a really powerful turning point for women. They often realise that there are many aspects of themselves that they restrict or close down, simply to make others more comfortable.
I’m still working on accepting some things about myself that make me uncomfortable. For example my competitiveness, jealousy, impatience, and more! But the more I practice different ways to become more accepting of those parts of my character, the more free I feel to just be myself, more of the time.
What would it mean to you if you could accept even the things about you that you dislike or make you uncomfortable?
Unapologetic action
Another theme that emerged was the ability to make decisions and take action unapologetically.
We discussed what it means to make choices for yourself, and to take actions that might not be what others would want or expect of you. Sometimes the easy route is to let how others will feel or think influence what you do, and not to prioritise your own thoughts and feelings.
I know that I’m guilty of this – of making decisions that prioritise family members or friends when my own preference would be completely different. Sometimes this feels like an important expression of love. And at other times, I’m working on sitting with the discomfort of stating my needs and wants
How would your life be different if you were more able to be unapologetic about your actions, especially when they put you first?
Truly apologetic
One of the most challenging parts of our discussion was to explore when do we actually want or need to be apologetic?
We questioned what it means to apologise and when it is valuable. Also, we observed that the word sorry becomes devalued when it is overused or we apologise for things that are not our fault. We discussed the value of a true apology, of seeking forgiveness and being able to forgive.
I had to laugh when I recounted stories of apologising to chairs when I bump into them – I definitely overuse the word sorry. But I often now reread emails and remove the word sorry, or the apologetic phrases, and I try hard to offer gratitude rather than an apology.
When is it important to you to be truly apologetic? And when is it not appropriate or helpful?
To live and lead unapologetically
I’m sure each woman took something personal and different away from our discussion. My reflection is that to live and lead unapologetically is about not making yourself small to make others feel big. It is about being proud of who you are, how you are and what you do. It is about being able to be truly yourself. I’m not sure any of us achieve it fully or are able to do it all of the time. But it still feels like an important mission to strive towards.
