At our Unjudged event, we heard a story of racism, from the life of a Black woman living in the UK. Woven throughout her experiences of stereotyping, abuse, othering, name-calling, and belittling, she gave countless examples of the pain and fear caused by racism in this country.
Pain and racism
Racism causes pain.
Pain is a very real feeling. As humans, we all go through situations or events that cause us pain. For example, it is normal that we experience pain when relationships end, when we must make difficult decisions, when people taunt or abuse us, or when we are put in uncomfortable situations.
Unfortunately, for many Black people, the pain of racism is not a one-off event. Psychologists tell us that experiences of racism against people of colour build on each other. Over time, this can chip away at individuals’ emotional, physical, and spiritual resources. Yes, we all experience pain at times in our lives. However, for people in the Black community, the quality, intensity and frequency of the pain can be constant and pernicious.
Racism and the strong Black woman
In addition, Black women face an additional hurdle. The Strong Black Woman (SBW) stereotype is a perception that Black women are naturally strong, resilient, self-contained and self-sacrificing. This stereotype is inherent in structural racist thinking in this country today.
Research indicates that Black women highly endorse the SBW stereotype. Many Black women consider it to be a good thing, providing them with protection against the numerous stressors they must contend with daily.
However, anecdotal and qualitative evidence suggests that this stereotype also compounds the tendency of many Black women to deny the pain caused by their experience of racism. It provides a schema of emotional suppression – telling Black women that they must be tireless and not vulnerable. The mantra is “I need to be more resilient,” or “I should be stronger.”
For women this results in unrealistic burdens at work, at home and in the community.
Pain versus suffering
There is no doubt then that racism causes suffering. But, pain is not suffering.
Suffering comes from an appraisal of our pain. Often, suffering begins when we suppress, deny or fight with pain. At our Unjudged event, we heard examples of how women try to suppress the pain caused by racism.
The mental health charity, Mind, advises that when forced to suppress how they feel, people may find that they can’t show or even fully feel their natural responses to their experiences. To avoid more abuse, and keep themself safe, people may not react to racism, leaving them feeling numb and ignoring the pain.
Caught in the suffering from racial trauma, you may spot a person:
- Avoiding situations related to racism or reminders of past racist experiences
- Distrusting others due to multiple losses or letdowns
- Feeling triggered by reminders of a racist experience, which can lead to strong emotional or physical responses (e.g., crying or rapid heartbeat)
- Being hypervigilant, overly alert, or paranoid about potential dangers or negative experiences because of one’s race
This is neither helpful to people’s wellbeing nor their career or life choices.
So what can we do?
Tell and hear the story of racism
The first step to heal the suffering, is to tell and hear stories of racism.
Until 2020, we mostly swept under the carpet the fact that systemic racism existed (and had existed for a very long time). Then George Floyd was murdered. Suddenly we had ears to hear the stories, from right under our noses, of Black people and their experiences of racism.
At Becoming, we do this by listening to the stories of Black women and the pain they have experienced. We run Unjudged events, where everyone is invited to listen deeply in order to build awareness, challenge stereotypes and confront prejudices. In line with our mission, we invite storytellers to tell stories about issues that can make women “apologetic” or knock women off track. We do not judge the story, simply seek to understand.
Work with ACT
The second step is to help people develop the capability to work with and heal from the pain of racism.
At Becoming, we use a culturally adapted model of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) developed by Dr Jennifer Payne to address racial suffering.
The evidence base for ACT’s efficacy as a tool to decrease suffering and increase wellbeing is substantial. ACT normalises the experience of suffering; the person experiencing the pain of a racist attack isn’t blamed or branded a victim. Not only that, ACT empowers, as it helps the person move toward a full rich and meaningful life linked to their values. In addition, ACT is non-pathologizing – all humans suffer, not certain races or demographics or groups. It isn’t only Black women.
Using ACT allows us to work with women in a way that helps them, without making them responsible for changing the system. It allows us to empower them to deal not only with what they have experienced, but also what they may continue to experience as they follow their career and life path. They are more than their experiences, and in Payne’s words, free to let go.
To be clear, we are not condoning acts of racism, or ignoring the very real and urgent need for individuals, leaders and business to take a long hard look in the mirror and take action to drive change. There is a both/and here. You must take the corporate actions to address racism AND equip people when they are on the receiving end of unacceptable behaviour.
For even when you are caught in the fire of the pain caused by racism, you need not be overwhelmed by it. As Payne eloquently says, speaking from her own experience and in her book on Healing Black Trauma, we can pull ourselves out of the fire of painful experiences and take the steps to heal and lead the life we deserve.
