I have been blown away by the dignity of Gisele Pelicot and her courage to challenge society to create a better future for other women and other families, in France and around the world. Throughout the court trial, we have seen an ordinarily extraordinary woman step forward.
I can’t begin to imagine the internal turmoil beneath the face we have seen for the last few months. Gisele Pelicot has been clear that behind her facade of strength “lies a field of ruins.“ She has bravely allowed us to get an insight into her life, the ordeal she has faced and the arduous criminal proceedings, whilst surrounded by dozens of her rapists.
Despite the widespread acclaim for what she has done, she is a reluctant hero. Her lawyer has stated that she keeps repeating, ‘I am normal.’ For example, media headlines show Gisele as an ordinary woman who shook attitudes to rape in France.
From our experience of walking alongside hundreds of women in our work at Becoming International, Gisele Pelicot is both ordinary and extraordinary.
Women’s different life experiences
On our programmes, time and time again we see women who have been tested, knocked back, floored and brought to their knees. For example, it might be navigating a way through menopause, dealing with gendered assumptions about their capability, balancing raising a family alongside a career or finding a way out of domestic abuse.
At Becoming we know that women ARE NOT different in anyway. But different things do happen to women compared with men, they have different life experiences. They face different expectations, experience different life events, and face different career challenges. This is one reason why our work focuses on helping women to lead unapologetic lives.
Often, the message that women receive is that they are not enough, are broken, or need fixing. There is an underlying implication that women are, in some way, less than. Whereas in reality, they have simply become stuck or knocked off track by these experiences.
Ordinary women
Very early, in nearly every programme we run, a woman will lean in. With much surprise she’ll announce “So it’s not just me!” They look around the room and see capable women who have been knocked sideways by their external lives and their resulting internal experiences They see women like them. They hear similar experiences, similar emotions, similar thoughts.
There is a moment of release when they realise they are not weird or unusual. The faces that smile back can put voice to “Yes, me too.”
Sadly, certain types of abuse, health challenges, family difficulties, career choices, and inequality happen to ordinary women.
Ordinarily extraordinary women
Yet the story of Gisele Pelicot reminds us that occasionally, a life experience comes along that shines a spotlight on an ordinary woman. Gisele chose to step into that spotlight. Sitting through weeks of exhausting public trial, she stated that “I wanted all of society to be a witness to the debates that took place here.” Gisele Pelicot showed immense courage, resilience and fortitude to stay the course and ensure that the shame of abuse changed sides to the perpetrators.
And sometimes, because of that spotlight, it is tempting to believe that a particular woman is extraordinary. That she is more equipped than others to handle a setback or challenge. That she has something that you, or I, do not have.
Yet the truth is that we are all the same. We all feel underequipped to face some of the trials that life sets before us. Our Unjudged® series creates opportunities to hear stories from the lives of women. Over the last few years we have heard women’s stories about transitioning gender, helping a child through self-harm, raising black sons, leaving a coercively controlling relationship, living with MS, navigating bipolar disorder, exploring infertility or the career impact of being neurodivergent.
And what makes these stories so impactful, just like with Gisele’s story, is that these are all ordinary women. Ordinary women, dealing with extraordinary circumstances.
Perhaps that makes them all, Gisele included, ordinarily extraordinary?
So thank you Gisele, for having the courage to face your extraordinary circumstance with courage and stepping into the spotlight. It reminds me, and hopefully you, that we too are, can be and have been ordinarily extraordinary too.
